Harder than I can hit myself

on

Tell me what you’re thinking

Cause I really need to know

You now know I’m gonna leave

And part of me hopes you’ll be sad to see me go

*

Don’t hold it against me,

You know I have no choice in the matter

There’s just so much to say that in the process

I lose my voice

*

Guilt and guilt and guilt overlaps

Til I can’t distinguish the individual emotions

Madness and sadness and bleak

Pain and more guilt and the gaps

*

Can’t be filled with anything but the cigarettes and you

Grass won’t be any greener on the other side and the dew

Won’t be any purer without you

There beside me

*

Channel the burn and the slicing blade

Into something you can describe

Use the pain you feel at my departure

To build something new to deliver yourself from your cage

Turn out your hide

*

Go to where you wanna go, boy

You cannot hate me more than I hate myself for leaving

I HAVE NO CHOICE

Please see that. And remember

You were not just a toy

*

I haven’t told you this, yet,

Maybe one day I’ll say this to you

But you’ve become one of the birds

I want on my tattoo

My brother, one or two of my best friends

And you

*

Flying across my collarbone

Towards my heart

The latter no longer stone

Now that I’ve learned that I can care

And do care

For the 3 or 4 of you

*

So please don’t hate me for it

The guilt is destroying

I don’t want to go back

To pretending I don’t love

In order to survive

You can’t hit me

Harder than I can hit myself

*

Can I become an ideal in your mind?

A crystalised picture of me for you to carry with you

Until the memory of me leaves?

A ghost you may or may not wish to find?

A painting you may or may not wish to follow?

(23:01)

16/11/15

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