A white dream

It’s night

Everything is clouded over

Covered in smoke

The night is black and

threatening

And I can only see the streetlights

All that is left:

This uncertain hope

And in my head

The ferris wheel turns

turns

turns

And I dance

dance

dance

To forget it all

*

And to the rhythm of the car

And its movements

I fly

I lose myself

And my mind floats away

And I am nothing

*

Then, the music explodes in my brain

And all is light again

And I find myself again

And I remember who I am

And where I’m going

And I’m no longer lost

*

And I dance in my head

I do handstands

Because nothing matters anymore

*

I only see the pink and the white

I, who was so wild,

So lost

I find myself again

And I’m no longer alone

And I sink again,

Like always,

I drown, but this time it’s deliberate

And I’m no longer scared

I’m  no longer paralysed

But free

*

And I picture clouds

A blue sky

And a mundane metallic cylinder

 10 000 feet above my reality

Taking me far away

Far away

And I fly

*

And to humour myself,

I imagine a white house

Where all is white and pure

And I see the beach

The ocean

The dry sand

*

And I lose myself in this eternal dream that will never leave me

That brings be hope

Stupid and uncertain hope

*

But for an infinitesimal instant

I am happy

I picture two children playing around me

A me with long hair

Who plays the piano

Who has everything in life

Who has a family

Who finally knows what love is

Who believes in it

Who’s afraid of nothing

Who has it all

Everything

*

And I dance

I dance

Because I don’t want to remember

Because I want to forget everything

And start over

Start it all over

As if everything was brand new

And pure

And innocent

A fresh, white dream

A hope

(3 October 2015

00:26)

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Nicodemas says:

    Incredibly beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

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