If grief weren’t a sin

on

If grief weren’t a sin

Reserved for the old

A tale would be told

One I hold deep within

*

I grief weren’t a sin

When felt by the young

I could tell you the story

Of those whom I loved

*

If grief weren’t a sin

I would cry over mountains

Over clouds and horizons

I would scream their names

*

I would whisper their syllables

Ever so softly, gently,

Watching the words soar

With the breeze.

*

If grief weren’t a sin,

I would describe the aching,

The sick gnawing

That grows like a seed.

*

I would admit that fire,

Like poison,

Races through my veins

Scalding, burning,

Destroying as it passes.

*

If grief weren’t a sin,

I would stop shaking with fright,

Anticipating the next arrival

Of the grief that alights

My body with pain.

*

This poison inside, this

Pulsing,

Aching,

Heaving,

Stretching,

Will it never leave?

*

My arms, holding my ribs together,

Keeping me from falling apart,

Will never compare to the unsatiable thirst

Of the demon that always demands more.

*

If grief weren’t a sin,

My skinny limbs would not ache so

From reaching for arms

That will never hold me again.

That will never soothe, reassure,

Put my worries to rest.

*

Perhaps my eyes would understand

That tears are not gifts.

That their shedding will never

raise those who have fallen.

*

I grief weren’t a sin

I would swim to the edge

Where the shore rests

And the memories rest

And all else dissolves with the sand.

*

If grief weren’t a sin

I would not feel shame

For loving those long gone

I would not feel blame

For the storm that holds my stomach prisoner,

Twisting it in its fists.

*

My chest would not feel heavy from this burden

From lifting this weight like a mountain

My heart would not be unyielding stone,

Unable to love after those I love are gone.

*

If grief weren’t a sin

I would hold someone else’s hand

Instead of my own

When the night is dark

And the burning knocks on my door.

*

Somebody else would lead me

Beyond the vast expanse.

But here my feet stumble

And I strain to put one foot in front of the other.

*

If grief weren’t a sin,

Someone else would reassure me,

Pray me to be strong,

To stand tall,

And not surrender.

*

If grief weren’t a sin

I would swim to the deepest ocean

Sifting every sand and stone

For a trace of them.

*

If grief weren’t a sin

I would fly on the dreams of the living

Splitting clouds as I look

For pieces of them below.

*

If grief weren’t a sin

I would face the sun

For the warmth they provided

Listen to sounds

For the music of their souls.

*

If grief weren’t a sin

I would show them to you

So you could grasp the ribbons

That make me continue.

*

If I could see them

Gold light would attach to my eyes

For all passersby

To see.

*

If I could see them

I would tell them

That I wish to forgive them.

But this guilt, this token,

Is all I have left and I won’t let our love be forgotten.

*

I would tell them

That I have shut the eyelids of my heart.

It sees no more.

It feels no more.

It’s better than before,

This emptiness.

The pain was too great for it to bear on its own.

The fight was lost from the start,

My heart could never take part

In the struggle.

*

If I could see them,

I would say “I’m sorry,

But I could never compete

With the qualities that make you complete”.

*

I would tell them to keep my heart,

It was never mine anyway.

Store it safely, and before I depart

Tansfer it strength,

then send it away.

*

If I could see them

One last time

I would record their voice

To listen to when the world gets dark.

To keep until

Goodbye

23/02/2015

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. johncoyote says:

    Powerful and honest words. This is powerful. Make the reader feel and know the sadness.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. johncoyote says:

    Reblogged this on johncoyote and commented:
    Powerful and good words. Poetry support make you think. This poem does. Please enjoy the amazing poetry by a talented writer.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you very much! This was the very first poem I wrote and I felt really reluctant to post it, but you reassured me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. johncoyote says:

    A well-written poem with a message.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Noora says:

    Beautifully written and very moving poetry!

    Like

  6. a mystery says:

    You have a beautiful soul, you know that? Only the most extraordinary minds can comprehend such grief. I can relate a lot with this, maybe we have similar personality types 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. That’s so kind of you to say. It’s difficult to think of myself as beautiful after some of the things I’ve been through. I really appreciate you saying so. I relate so much to your poems and the other things you write. We must be similar, you’re right. I just read “Distanced” and it’s my voice reading it, it doesn’t even feel like someone else wrote it, more like something i’ve thought a million times over. Thank you for putting it into words and throwing them out into the world for people like me to find.

    Like

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