It hit me like a slap in the face

on

It hit me like a slap in the face

Knees buckled

Breath sucked away with a punch in the gut

Why do my thoughts always return to this without fail?

.

4 years. Big deal.

By now I should be over it

They’re dead.

Deal with it.

But I can’t seem to

.

They sneak up on me when I least expect it

When I think I’m finally getting better

I’m tired of describing the pain with poetry

Won’t the pain ebb already?

.

Trees rise, disdainfully looking down

On my crumbled shape below

I’m standing straight

How can they see the massed lump I am inside?

.

Turn my back

Hide it

Claws

Tear

Gashes

Bleed

And me: in the center

Still standing

.

World spinning

Speed unforgiving

I need to dull this pain

I seek the warmth

How could I ever wish to escape its bliss?

.

This pain like the sharp edge of a knife

Can only be wished away

I have grown tired of writing poetry about it

.

It hasn’t lifted

Will it ever?

Will I ever stand in another land,

Dazed with time and distance,

Having forgotten all but the ghost of the pain?

31/03/2015

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